Monday Night Raw is Predictable but Sometimes Predictable Isn’t a Bad Thing
The Requisite Opening Promo: Seth Rollins comes out to a huge babyface pop. Hmm, maybe this guy should be turned babyface. Wouldn’t take much.
But There’s a Twist: Seth Rollins addresses Roman Reigns suspension. This was really, really surprising. Seth says how the suspension embarrassed him because he brought Roman into The Shield. He then trashes Roman’s Twitter apology. He calls Roman out on not caring about the fans, not having any friends, and “owning” his mistake after the fact. He then goes to talk about how he’s “owned” Roman for the past two years. He then goes onto say Roman needs to be pulled from Battleground, and it should be a one-on-one match. The crowd agreed. I agree too. The money match is The Shield Triple Threat which could happen at Summerslam.
Dean Ambrose comes out as cocky as ever. He says Roman made a mistake, and Seth has to admit a mistake — he wears skinny jeans. BUT WAIT. AJ Styles comes out, and the crowd goes banana. AJ says “why not make add me to the match?” The crowd definitely agrees.
Dean is basically toeing the line that “Roman is still in the match.” Which sucks. Seth doesn’t like it all. John Cena comes out to pour water on everything. Cena comes out in his “Go Ahead and Sue Me PBR Outfit.” Cena goes into his usual “I’m great, I’m John Cena, make a local reference, make a WWE Network reference, LOLCena Wins” promo.
Stephanie McMahon comes out to get over on everyone, because that’s what she does. Don’t worry WWE is never going o hire me. Steph takes a dump on Dean as the champion. She sets up two qualifiers — Cena vs. Seth, and Dean vs. AJ — if AJ and/or Cena wins they get in the title match. As you can predict, this isn’t going to happen.
FYI: Brock Lesnar is on the cover of WWE 2K17. This illustrates that WWE has zero faith that their younger, everyday talent can sell video games.
Paige & Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte & Dana Brooke in a Divas Revolution One Year Later Match: Going into this match, I was super-stoked. I wasn’t expecting Rock ‘n’ Roll vs. Midnight Express, but this shows you how far women’s wrestling in WWE has come. A year ago, a “divas” tag match would’ve been buried in hour three and we’d all use it as a bathroom break. Now, it’s must-wtch television. Sasha Banks is a bonafide star, and could easily be a face of the WWE in the near future — representing the company in various realms of pop culture. Also, I’d like to admit that I find Dana Brooke attractive. Somehow Sasha looks thinner than last time I saw her in the ring. This was a good, old school tag match. Dana Brook is showing improvement, Paige is showing she’s out of her malaise, and Charlotte keeps getting more and more comfortable in role as the Queen Heel. As for Sasha, she’s still amazing. Sasha is able to make Dana tap to the Bank Statement after Paige cleans Charlotte’s clock with a super kick. Winner: Pagie & Sasha
Rusev vs. Titus O’Neil in a Feud That Will Not Die Match: If I had to count the dimes that represented how much I cared about this feud — I’d have zero dimes. How you doing? Titus started the match by cracking RuRu in the mouth. I like that You hate a guy — crack him in the mouth. Titus, sadly, goes back to hesitation mode. This guy needs to just follow through with his moves, not overthink things. It makes him look sloppy. If he had more fluidity to his in-rng work, they’d be printing money with this guy. Rusev, on the other hand, is just so damn good in the ring right now. He’s finding his stride. He’s confident, he’s brutal, he’s developing a killer instinct. They need to built Rusev to make him a World Champion. He has what it takes. After Titus goes for a big boot, RuRu takes a powder, but Titus levels him (and himself) with a clothesline. Titus sidesteps a charging Rusev, and slides back into the ring for the count-out win. Winner: Titus O’Neil
Ugh, this feud will never end. I’d rather watch two hours of Social Outcast promos than see this feud continue.
McMahonnigans #1: Corporate Kane confronts Stephanie. I go to the bathroom. I come back, and Miz comes back. I leave the room for a snack.
Seth Rollins vs. John Cena in a You’ve Seen It Once, You’ve Seen It a 1,000 Times Match: We’ve seen this match countless times. It headlined RAW for months on end. This was a predictable Cena/Rollins match. However, sometimes predictable isn’t a bad thing. These two have a great chemistry, and even the worst of their matches have been fun at worst. Also predictable was the ending where AJ and the Club come out to distract Cena, costing him the match. It’s a logical finish. Winner: Seth Rollins
Enzo & Cass vs. Two Jobbers: A little surprising to see a squash on RAW. However, the tag team pool is a little shallow. How many times can they fight The Vaudevillains. It makes perfect sense getting these two on TV, popping the crowd, getting them to do the wave, and making them look strong. Winners: In about a minute — Big Cass & Enzo Amore
STOP THE PRESSES — THE SOCIAL OUTCASTS RETURN BAY BAY!
They have a fun interaction with Enzo & Cass — I won’t mind this feud, no matter how short it is.
Backstage Segment: Make Darren Young Great Again. You’re not doing a good job, guys.
Summer Rae vs. Becky Lynch in a Natalya is Going to Ruin the Match with Bad Guest Commentary Match: I love it! Becky decided to hell with the match, and went right after Natalya. So awesome.
Interview Segment: Chris Jericho with “Y2 Scarf” head to the ring for The Highlight Reel. Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens are his interview subjects. Jericho is perfect at playing the douchey heel. Sami tells everyone that the feud needs to end because it’s damaging both their careers. Sami cuts a hell of a damn promo on Owens. Owens, as always, kills it. Jericho ends things by running both men down, asking the crowd to “drink it in mannnnn” and then eats a double super kick from Owens and Zayn.
The Miz w/Maryse vs. DemonKane in a Only Michael Cole and JBL Popped For This: With all the talent on the roster, and in NXT – this is who you trot out as Miz’s “mystery opponent.” I guess they want to reintroduce Kane in order to make him relevant for the draft. Listen, there’s nothing wrong with Kane. The guy is an absolute legend, and he can still bust out some moves. However, the character is extremely stale. The match takes a really, really weird turn when Maryse climbs on the ropes to distract Kane. However she very clumsily, falls off the ropes onto the apron to the ground. She starts clutching her ankle. It seemed a like a complete act. Miz stops wrestling, picks Maryse up, and then carries her to the back — losing via count-out. Winner: DemonKane
No replay of Maryse’s “injury” is shown, so either this was legit, or this was so bad (and it really was) that they’re just forgetting it happened. Either way you should see Kane vs. Miz on Smackdown! or the pay-per-view.
Backstage: Miz is carrying Maryse. Maryse then laughs, and says “she was acting.” Miz says that was the best thing he’s ever seen.
Sheamus & Alberto del Rio vs. Cesaro & Apollo Crews in a I Guess That League of Nations Break-Up Meant Nothing Match: Seriously. These guys beat the shit out of each other a few months ago, and now they’re teaming? Ugh, zero sense people. ADR and Sheamus argue throughout the match. Cesaro is able to hit some of his signature moves until Sheamus pulls a Randy Orton and grinds the match to an uncomfortable halt. Del Rio finally gets pissed after Sheamus refuses to tag in, and levels the Irishman with a standing enziguiri,and leaves his partner. Apollo picks up Sheamus, who looks like he’s crapping his pants, and drops him for a power bomb for the win. Winner: Cesaro and Sheamus
Backstage Segment: Dean cuts an amusing promo about a parade he wishes WWE would’ve thrown him until “Queen Buzzkill” Stephanie McMahon comes out and says Dean is an embarrassment. Dean shrugs it off as he preps to face AJ Styles tonight.
In the Moment of the Night: The New Day comes out dressed like The Wyatt Family, and it is absolutely hilarious. Xavier Woods is pretty low key — so they’re either making him out to be scared, or he’s possessed by Bray. The Wyatts come out, and cuts an anti-New Day promo. Of course it’s awesome. The New Day comes back, and we get a pretty entertaining yet intense segment. It’s really building for an interesting feud.
Backstage: Renee asks New Day if messing with The Wyatts was a good move. Big E and Kofi say “Of course!” but Xavier Woods just walks off sheepishly.
Main Event: Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles in a Obviously John Cena is Interfering to Coast AJ the Spot at Battleground Match: This was probably Dean’s best wrestling match since the Roadblock match with Triple H. He busted out some moves we haven’t seen from him in forever. AJ Styles, of course, was an absolute boss in the match. Seth Rollins on commentary, rooting for Dean was great. It drove home the whole “Seth loves the title more than himself” angle. The Club comes out, and then of course “Big Match” John predictably comes out and costs AJ the match. Yawn. Winner: Dean Ambrose
Now that was a damn good match. Ending was predictable as hell, but damn good.
Post Match: The Club takes out Cena, Seth takes out Dean. Anderson & Gallows decimate Cena with a Magic Killer on the stage. Rollins hits Dean with multiple Pedigrees.